1. Sometime
during the long hot summer, which feels like a memory reaching back thousands
of years to a prehistoric epoch but was in fact only four months ago, we wrote
and performed a few little sketches as a warm up act for a close friend and
colleague, the brilliant stand up, writer, and actor Becky Brunning.
2. After the
show, one of us (probably Naomi) wrote the words “Who Killed Elvis?” on a slip
of paper. And underneath, she (probably) wrote: “Wholemeal bread,
red peppers, Glock 18 polymer-framed short recoil-operated locked-breech
semi-automatic pistol, phone mum”.
3. Then
we forgot all about it.
4. Elvis
Presley was born on January 8th 1935, the same day as my dad, Terry.
5. My
mum loved Elvis. I suspect she married my dad because he bore a passing
resemblance to Elvis (well, he had a black quiff), and because she was never
realistically going to marry Elvis, not least because Elvis was already married
and had no earthly idea who my mum was.
6. We started
to brainstorm ideas for a show titled Who Killed Elvis?, and our best
idea was to have twenty or thirty Elvises being hunted down through the mean
streets of Sea Mills. The Elvises would have no money or food or water or
bedding, they’d be dressed in full Elvis gear, and they could only ever say
‘Uh-huh’. The hunting party would be on horseback, armed with crossbows,
and each Elvis pelt would score 10m points.
7. Sea Mills
is a suburb of the English port city of Bristol. It is situated some 3.5 miles
north-west of the city centre, towards the seaward end of the Avon Gorge, lying
between the former villages of Shirehampton to the west, Westbury to the north
and Stoke Bishop to the east, at the mouth of the River Trym where it joins the
River Avon. Sea Mills forms part of the city ward of Kingsweston, and is noted
for its brass band, the Sea Mills Big Ass Brass Band, which plays the same song
- and only ever the same song - over and over and over and over again, every
single day of the year, from noon till midnight. The song is Hot
Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing.
8. Elvis had his first hit in 1954 with That’s Alright. His last
number one hit, before his ‘death’, was Way Down, in 1977. As my
friend and music expert Jeremy notes, Elvis’s back catalogue is a complete
mess. Does anybody really know what’s a studio album, what’s a film soundtrack,
what’s a collection of songs? Doubtful - there are so many tatty
compilations. Nobody has taken any care with Elvis’s ouvre. Jeremy
rants entertainingly on the subject of tatty Elvis merchandising, and the
quagmire of Elvis’s discography, on an episode of -- shameless self promotion
ahoy! -- our regular podcast, Vince & Jeremy’s Overrated Podcast.
10. We started
writing Who Killed Elvis? one Monday night in a swanky pub with too many
candles. The writing sessions usually began with Naomi explaining to me
how she had sustained her latest injury, and me explaining to Naomi why all
four Teletubbies should be Elvis’s killers, and that we should have them escape
and then chased by a super posse made up of The Clangers, Bagpuss, Playschool
dolls, and Pingu. Then Naomi would stare me down, and come up with
something much better, and I would give in. But only one of us went home
without an injury. And that was me.
11. Elvis was
locked into a disastrous contract and was forced to star in 31 low budget
films, most of them completely dreadful. He played a variety of musicians,
soldiers, Native Americans, convicts, twins, handymen, racing car drivers,
cowboys, life guards, and boxers, with names like (no kidding) Tulsa Maclean,
Lonnie Beal, and Toby Kwimper. His best film is widely considered to be the
genuinely excellent Jailhouse Rock (1957); his worst, according to Elvis
himself, is Clambake (1967), in which he plays a ski instructor who (for
complicated reasons) is really an Oil Baron.
12. During the
first readthrough of Who Killed Elvis? we realised we’d forgotten to
write the second act. Oops! We bluffed and told the cast that we’d
written a brilliant second act, but a hound dog had eaten it. The cast stared
at us with contempt and suspicion. But then, they always do.
13. Sea Mills
is nowhere near a sea, and doesn’t have a mill of any kind.
14. Sourcing
free rehearsal space proved a challenge. We used a lot of back rooms in pubs,
which attracted some attention, despite our efforts to barricade the doors to
keep out the drunk, the curious, and the seriously confused. There was a
serious wobble with our venue, meaning that a few days before the show we were
in a state of panic-stricken horror. We turned up at the venue for our
dress rehearsal, only to find out that another event was taking place
there. It was cold, raining, and desperate out there on the streets,
phoning around in a squeaky voice, lugging bags of props and costumes and
biscuits - but other people have genuine problems which we bore in mind as we
gratefully made our way into the warmth and privacy of The Room Above, who had
so kindly lent us their space at the eleventh hour.
16. The cast
for our test show was brilliant. Dan Adams, Janet Adams, Jake Bickford (a
sensational Elvis!), Lewis Cook (who also wrote a bit for us), Rosie
Mullaney, Tyler O’Hagan, and Lucy Roper -- all very talented, super
helpful, and sexy and excellent. They helped with the script, they made
costumes, they never complained, and they helped us blackmail several prominent
local councilpersons.
17. We raised
£180 for Cancer Research UK. Thank you to everyone who came to see our
test performance, and who gave so generously to this brilliant charity, which
is close to our hearts. My mum died of cancer in 1997. My dad died
of cancer in 2004. I think they would have very much enjoyed Who Killed
Elvis?, particularly the gag about werewolf nuns.
18. And now a
few words from Naomi: A few weird facts about Vince, myself and Elvis. Vince
and I first met at an Elvis convention. We both have Elvis pyjamas. We
regularly attend Elvis dance classes. We both have Elvis onesies. Both of our
middle names are Elvis. We both have Elvis tattoos. Our passwords to everything
are ‘Elvis’ or ‘Elvis is Alive’ or when we’ve had a bad day, ‘Why Can’t Elvis
be Alive’. And lastly, both our names spelt backwards spells Elvis. Weird.
So, yeah, Elvis...he’s okay.
19. We’ll be
staging a run of Who Killed Elvis? in the spring of 2019.
20. Elvis (supposedly) died on
August 16th 1977. We think of him as our spirit animal (well, Elvis
and a rabbit), and we picture him happy and settled somewhere, dressed in his
white jumpsuit, scoffing mince pies and drinking sherry, and wishing us all a
very merry Christmas, and a happy New Year - uh-huh!
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